Thursday, August 25, 2011
I know I've been a bit of a grumpy bum lately around home. I'm just so tired. Chance wakes up every 2 hours (every 3 on a good night and every hour on a bad night) on average and most of the time it's not a huge hassle to get up, but lately I've been wondering what else to try. The problem is, we change his routine so often that he never quite knows what's going on - in Brisbane one week, back home the next, back in Brizzie the week after, back home after that, and next week we'll be in Wang all week. I've tried the tips in the no-cry sleep solution, but one of the things they say is that you really need a block of time (weeks/months) to develop the good sleep habits we're after, and our lifestyle isn't really allowing for that at the moment.
When I tell other mothers that I get up every 2 hours they look at me, horrified and say how sorry they are for me. I reply with some line about how it's not so bad as Chance is happy during the day so I know nothing is wrong, he's just not a great sleeper. And then I go into the "maybe this is my fault" thinking which is every so helpful. "Maybe if I didn't breastfeed him so much he wouldn't be looking for it all the time; Maybe I need to be more diligent with my self-settling techniques." It's just so hard at 12, 2, 4am etc to stick to those techniques when all I want is sleeeeeep.
And the problem is, Hubs doesn't get the best of me. In fact, he probably gets the worst of me. When other people are around, I put on the brave face and suck it in, but when it's just the 2 (3) of us, it's hard not to complain about how tired I am and that I want to go to bed early instead of spending quality time together.
I know I know. This too shall pass. Blah blah blah. I know that Chance will work it out eventually. I just need some way of coping a bit better in the mean time. Chance has his first morning at child care tomorrow, and I plan to take him for 2 mornings a week. Maybe that will help things a bit. I just feel like life is on top of me and I'm never going to get out. I used to be able to do all the housework, pay the bills and make lovely dinners every night, but in the last month since Chance has started moving around a lot more, I'm finding it nearly impossible to keep up. I've had to pay overdue fees for 3 bills because I forgot about them which has almost never happened before.
Hubs told me last night that I can't do everything and that I needed to be a bit kinder to myself. That was hard to hear. I really want to be able to do everything. It especially freaks me out that if it's this hard with 1 baby, what am I going to be like with 7? Okay maybe 5... 3??
My saving grace at the moment is that Chance is having daytime sleeps and if I can get him past the 40min half wake-up he can sleep up to 1.5 to 2 hours. He's been asleep for an hour now, and I know I should be sleeping too, but we have 4 people coming over for dinner, in keeping with my desire to have people over for a meal every week, so I'm cooking beef stew and my favourite orange polenta cake. Plus the washing needs to be done as I didn't get any done yesterday.
If Chance goes down for an afternoon nap, I'll join him too. I promise :-)
And guess who just woke up... :-)