What a difference a day makes

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Okay. So I'm not out of the ditch yet, but I'm finding a way. I'm looking up and seeing where I need to go, and figuring out how to get there, instead of sitting down, throwing my hands in the air and giving up. This is progress.

After my revelation on Friday, my day didn't really change that much. It was nice to acknowledge where these feelings were coming from, but it didn't really help with how to change my situation. I had a planned playground meet-up on Saturday morning, with a girl I met through playgroup not long after I arrived, and we clicked quite quickly. I was excited by these plans, and organised with Hubs that I would walk to the park (about 3.5km) and he could bring the kinds once I arrived. Getting in exercise has been difficult lately for a number of reasons, so I knew this was a good start to my weekend.

I spent almost 2 hours there with my friend and her 3 kids. Her daughter is 4 and is very strong-willed, so she can hold herself with Chance. In fact, the 2 of them played beautifully together. I hardly had to intervene which was so nice. Her 2 year old son was happy to follow the bigger kids around, and her 7 month old little boy was happy to chill out with us, while Quinn made her way around to all the food we had on offer. It was such a good visit. I really needed to see Chance's good side that day, and boy did I ever see it. My friend is very honest and down to earth and I felt comfortable spilling my guts to her. It was nice to have a friendly ear to listen and empathise.

I came home at lunch time with renewed energy and got quite a lot of housework done before another friend came over for afternoon coffee. Again, it was such a great therapy for me to just be able to be myself and not try too hard. The kids were great and by the time my friend left around 4:30, I was again topped up. It's so easy to play with Chanbe when I'm feeling that way. I hung out with him and Quinn out in the open area of the townhouse complex where he rode his bike and Quinn played with the ball and toddled around. Only twice in an hour did we have to stop for cars. It's much nicer out there now that it has cooled down ever so slightly.

I went to bed happy and exhausted last night. It was one of the best days I've had in a while. Now that I know what my "problem/challenge" whatever you want to call it, is, I can be aware of it and not be so down on myself for being unmotivated or lazy.

I had hoped Friday would be a turning point, and now I'm getting a bit more optimistic that it was.

How, did I get here?

Friday, April 25, 2014

I'm not sure how it happened, but I'm finding myself at the bottom of a ditch, looking up, trying to figure out a) how I got here and b) how the hell to get out.

I'm bored.

I'm exhausted with doing nothing.

I'm lonely.

I'm cranky.

I cry a lot.

I'm not myself.

I've been blaming it all on Mount Isa, but so much is contributing to this slump I'm in. When I speak to my friends, I whinge a bit (okay, a lot) but can turn it around and have a lovely chat and feel great afterwards. I know I'm an extrovert, but I sometimes forget what that actually means. I was reminded when I read this blog post today. Yes, I like to be the life of the party, but more importantly, I get my energy from other people. And when I don't have close friends or family who I get to see every day, my energy levels are not being topped up.

And Hubs. Poor poor Hubs. I don't think he knows quite what to do with me at the moment. I'm sure he wishes I could suck it up and get on with things, but I also know he understands the importance of feeling your feelings and working through them. I've been expecting things to change; hoping things change as I'm here longer, but they are not changing for the better. I'm sinking deeper in apathy and self pity.

And the problem is, when social opportunities do come up, I've started wondering if I could even be bothered. That is not like me. I told Hubs the other day that I am so much more productive around the house when he is home. Even if he is sitting on the couch playing computer games, just having him around energises me. Having anyone (adult that is) around helps. So having my mother in law around last week saw me happier than I'd been in weeks.

But as soon as she left, there was the emptiness again. And because I hadn't recognised the extrovert-needing-energy connection, I have been a cranky pants whenever Hubs comes home, and taking my mood out on him. As if it's his fault somehow.

So how do I get out of this? Well a month-long trip to Brisbane sure will help. I'm seeing this month away from here as a bit of a retreat. To recharge and hopefully find a bit of myself again.  I miss old Wifey. I want her back. This new cranky, tired, yelling, impatient, self-pitying Wifey does not belong here. Not long-term anyway.

I feel like this realisation might be a bit of a turning point. Okay. I hope it is. Because I'm getting sick of the whingeing and picking fights with Hubs because I'm bored. I wish Hubs could stay the month as well, but the reason I'm staying so long is because he is working for 18 out of 21 days after he gets back, so he suggested I just stay down. (We are both going down for a wedding for the first week.)

I really can't wait to get down there and unwind, then recharge. I'll be doing a lot of walking along the waterfront, going out for coffee, and getting my fix. Join me sometime?

My greatest joy and my biggest challenge

Thursday, April 24, 2014

My son. 

How my heart bursts with love for this little guy. He makes me laugh so much with his funny games and silly jokes. He tells me he loves me and gives me hugs and kisses.

He always wants to help me in the kitchen, or with the washing and folding.

He is Quinn's biggest fan, and also her biggest pain. I can't tell you how often I've had to say "can you please just leave her alone????" This is a photo of me after a really bad few hours with my Chanbe. He was just having a bad day, and as my emotions escalated, so did he. I just couldn't stop crying. It broke my heart that my little man was being so hurtful to his sister, and to me. I was at my end. So what did he do? He came over, sat on my lap, gave me a cuddle and said "Mama, why are you crying?"

I told him I was sad that he wasn't making good choices. He thought about this and assured me he would start making good choices. It was a bit hit and miss for the rest of the day, but we got there in the end.

I know that this is just a phase he is going through, and I am comforted by the fact that 80% of the time he is amazing and a delight to be around. I have to remind myself of this on the hard days. Today started as one of those hard days, but we are both determined to turn it around. The more calm and patient I am, the better he responds. Duh. 

I feel so blessed to have this son of mine, and I know that one day, we will be great friends. And once Quinn gets bigger and is able to hold her own, I'm sure they will become best buddies too.

In the mean time, we will just have to take it one day at a time. 

Continuing with the theme...

Monday, April 14, 2014

... of late blog posting, here is a photographic run-down of our trip to Brisbane. A month ago. Oops.

Waiting at Mount Isa airport

Fun in the park with Poppy

Cuddles with Nanna

Bottle rockets and flying a kite with Gran and Grumpy

Fly fishing practice with Grumpy

Super fancy High Tea for Nan's 80th

So many more memories without photos, but always in our hearts. Our next trip to Brisbane is a mere month away, and already I'm excited :-)

Racing around

Saturday, April 12, 2014

I've been a bit slow with blogging about stuff as it happens, so here's a post about what we got up to 2 weekends ago. Hubs and I have been whinging a little that there's nothing much to do up here, so when opportunities get presented to us, we really try and take advantage. So when we heard that the races were on, we thought we'd go along and check it out. They started around 2pm on the Saturday, so after Quindy had her nap, we all got dolled up and hit the tracks.

Isn't it fun trying to get your 3 year old to pose for a nice family photo?

We had NO idea what to expect - how big it was going to be, how much it would cost, what the place was actually like - so we just went in head first and hoped for the best. We knew there were going to be a few doctors there that Hubs works with, and a few of the mums I've met through playgroup were heading in too, so we would at least know a few people.

By our standards (we had only really ever been to the Wang races on Melbourne Cup Day) it was quite small, but that suited us just fine. Quinn was happy to wander around looking cute:

And Chance still had a bit of a cold, so he was happy just to chill out and watch movies on my phone:

We're really glad we went along and had a great time meeting new people and spending time with new friends. Speaking of which, Hubs met the friend of one of the doctors he works with and he mentioned a group of his friends were going 4WDriving the next day, and that we would be most welcome to come along. So in the spirit of taking people up on their offers to do things, we said yes!

We met the group around 10am Sunday morning and after a little rendesvous, we put the kids in the car...

and headed off! (ha ha.)

We headed north about 40km before we turned off onto the track. It was a pretty tame drive, but there were a few squeals of excitement/fear from me at a couple of creek (dry) crossings.

There were 6 cars in the convoy and a lovely bunch of people emerged at the swimming hole we arrived at:

Unfortunately our friend hadn't mentioned to bring togs, so Hubs just jumped in with his clothes, and the kids had spare clothes so they went in too. It was so lovely. I was very sad I hadn't brought my togs :-( Next time! It was a really lovely few hours and we hope to head out with the group again sometime soon.

We arrived home to unpack, change, and head out to a friend's place for a BBQ. So yeah, a very big weekend for us! The following weekend, Hubs had to work, so this is his first full weekend with no plans for some time. We are thinking about heading out to Lake Julius tomorrow just to check it out, but no firm plans at this stage. The weather is finally a little more bearable today (only getting up to 32 today! Woo!) so a trip to the park might be nice too.

We're trying to make the most of it, and slowly getting there.


Friday, April 4, 2014

On one of our trips to the park while we were staying at Woody Point. So much fun.

Peacock Park

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

This is one of the options we have for BBQ time in Mount Isa. Peacock Park as it is affectionately known, is at Lake Moondarra, nestled behind the spillway. So you don't actually have a view of the lake, but the surroundings are quite lovely. It's very shady and even though there are BBQs there, we always bring our own.

There is a half-decent playground there, but no swings unfortunately. And it's always green which is a bonus in these here parts of Australia.

A nice place for a BBQ and catch up with friends. I'm sure it will be even nicer once it's not so damn hot...