Tuesday, May 20, 2014
It's something I used to pride myself on. I would always try and see the best in people, but I would confuse that with assuming everyone was lovely and thoughtful and would have my best interest at heart. The problem with this, is that when someone made a mistake or acted in a way I didn't agree with, (ie they were human) I would get so bitterly disappointed in them as a person. This did not bode well for either me or the person in question. I remember Hubs pointing out to me early in our courtship that I would say about anyone and everyone "they are so lovely" and he commented that it didn't mean much if I said it about everyone.
I remember being a little hurt by this comment, before understanding what he was saying. I don't think it's a bad thing to try and see the best in people, but I do think it can be a bit misguided when I have unrealistic expectations on people (friends/family/colleagues) and react negatively when they don't act how I would in a similar situation. It's something I've worked on over the years - to really see people for their attributes and faults; to accept people as they are; to try not to judge; and to show grace and understanding when I feel let down by them, knowing that that says more about me than it does about them or their actions.
So why can't I do this for myself?
Why can't I see the best in myself? Why do I constantly feel like I'm falling short, and that the life I'm leading isn't "enough"? I compare myself to other people every day. They have a career and I don't; they are more attentive with their kids than I am; they have been able to lose weight and have a healthy lifestyle and I can't seem to stick to anything; they know what they want in life and I'm still searching; they are home owners and I am not... the list goes on.
What a waste of time and energy. This is something that I clearly need to work on. Seeing myself how others see me: Accomplished; confident; pretty; kind; resilient; adaptable; brave; a good mum.
These are the things I need to be thinking throughout my day. I don't need to live up to other people's lives, or at least how I perceive them. I need to start believing in myself more; as an example to my children if nothing else. How can I teach them that they can be anything and anyone they want to be, if I don't even believe that of myself. I'm not talking about a grand gesture or revelation, I just want to stop those everyday thoughts of not being enough, and start knowing that I am.