We have arrived

Friday, June 29, 2012

It's Friday night, Hubs and Chanbe are having a shower, I'm drinking a glass of milk, and all is right with the world. As I mentioned 6 days ago, things were going to be better in 6 days. Today they are better. In fact, things are the best they have been in months. Hubs and I are smiling. And not in the strained "we just need to get through the next few months/weeks/days" way we have been smiling this year. We are happy. We are relaxed. We are (almost) ourselves again. And I really can't express how good that feels.

You see, this week has been pretty sh*t. (Sorry, but it has). Hubs has been away in Shepparton for exams since Sunday afternoon, so I have been solo-parenting this whole week, and after this experience, all I can say is that I have even more admiration for full-time single parents. Oh wow. Seriously. It was hard work. Especially since I hate staying at home on my own. But I've known this week was coming for a long time, so I did a lot of mental preparation. I didn't want to spend the whole week anxious and scared, so I started focussing on the positives, and rationalising to myself that there really was nothing to fear.

And you know what? It worked. Chanbe and I actually had a really great week. I made sure I had things to do each day to keep us occupied (including taking a train down to Kilmore to pick up the car and drive it home - turned out the alternator crapped itself and it didn't cost as much as we were thinking. Woo!) and I just really focussed on keeping positive and realistic about my expectations.

Sunday to Wednesday were quite challenging with Chance waking up every night for an hour or so for no particular reason (he probably missed his Dadda) and not having particularly long naps during the day. Wednesday was my mental "hump day" - if I could get to Wednesday without cracking, I could get to Friday. Wednesday was a really great day, with playgroup in the morning and haircuts in the afternoon - one of the mums in my mothers group is my hairdresser so I go to her house and our boys play together while we cut, colour and chat. I was there for over 2 hours and it was so lovely. By the time we got home, it was just about dinner/bath/bed time which was great.

And each night I had something to look forward to - I watched 5 or 6 episodes of Sex and the City every night. It was very decadent. I decided I was going to do 1 load of washing a day, but as far as other housework went, I was giving myself the week off. No pressure, no guilt, no worries. And it really worked for me. By the time Thursday came around, I was on the home stretch and I really enjoyed myself. I topped the week off with a night out with my mothers group where we went out to dinner, had dessert and laughed so hard we got a stitch. It was so therapeutic.

So after my week off from housework and good sleep, I made up for it today. Chanbe went to childcare at 8:30am, I came home and slept from 9:30-12:30, then did housework til Hubs came home at 3. And the hug I got from him when he walked in the door was one of our best hugs ever. We had made it. We had gotten through the toughest time of our marriage to date, and we were on the other side. Damn it's good to be here :-)

Not according to plan

Monday, June 25, 2012

As I mentioned yesterday, our weekend just gone didn't go exactly to plan. I headed down to Melbs on my own on Friday evening to attend a celebrant professional development session on the Saturday. When I was getting ready to go, I just had this feeling that I really wanted to stay home, and since I'm not generally very intuitive, it intrigued me that I felt such a strong pull to stay home. But we decided I was just being silly, and I just didn't want to go because it was cold and dark. I headed off around 6pm and  stayed with our good friends (Chanbe's Godmum and her family) and had a lovely evening catching up with them all Friday night.

Saturday morning I headed to the PD session, and although it was okay, it wasn't as good as previous years. I told Hubs that it probably wasn't worth me coming down for, but nonetheless, it was done and I was on my way home just after 3pm.

At 4pm, my engine warning light came on and the car lost power so I had to pull over. On the Hume Highway. At 110km/hr. Not scary, just annoying. I gave the car a few minutes, started it up again and took off. Only a few hundred meters down the road, it happened again. Damn. I called Hubs and he suggested a couple of things that I tried, but after the third time, I called roadside assistance. They were out within about 30 mintues and determined that it was an electrical problem and that I had to get the car towed.

Damn damn DAMN!!!! It was 5pm by this stage and I was in a bit of a state. I was still about 200km from Wang so I couldn't get it towed there, so we decided to tow it to Kilmore and I'd try and get home on the train. Thankfully there was a train leaving from Broadford (just near where I was broken down) at 6:30pm to connect me with the 7:30pm train from Seymour to get me home by 9pm. The truck came at 6pm, dropped me off at the train station and thankfully all the connections worked out well. The train didn't get in until 9:40pm, so I was home just before 10pm, in time to sing Happy Birthday to Hubs.

So here I am, with my car in Kilmore, and a phone number for the auto-electrician to call tomorrow. I'm hoping SO much that it's not going to cost too much, but I guess it'll be what it'll be. The irony? I was going to book the car in for a service THIS WEEK to get it checked out before our big trip to Adelaide in a couple of weeks. But maybe it wouldn't have been picked up in a general service. Who knows?

The only thing I know is, it could have been so much worse. I'm so glad that a) it didn't happen on my way TO Melbourne the night before in the dark; b) it happened in an area that I had mobile and internet service; and c) it happened when Chanbe wasn't in the car with me. Not exactly what I needed at this time, but you know. It happens.

Predictive text

"Quilt love to arse some puppies" wrote my smartphone. What it was meant to say?
"Would love to see some photos."
Yeah, close Mr Android, but no cigar.

I see the light

Sunday, June 24, 2012

As you know, the last couple few 6 months have been hard. I've probably struggled more in this time than I have for years. There have been lots of low points for me, yet at my core, I have been happy. Does that make sense? I have been happy with my greater life, just not the day-to-day stuff. Not the little things. And it's the little things that can really add up.

Tonight, for the first time since I can remember, I felt a twinge of hope. I felt like all the stuff I've been going through is building up to something good, and I can finally see it. It's not in the far distant future where it has been hiding for so long. It's there. I can see it. I can almost feel it.

In 6 days time, things are going to be better. I know this at my core. I finally believe it. I just have to get through these next 6 days, which is not going to be easy, for reasons I will elaborate on next weekend.

So if you believe in prayer, please send some my way, as I'm going to need them this week. I'll see you on the other side :-)

Happy Birthday Hubs

Even though yesterday didn't go exactly to plan, (I'll explain later), Hubs' birthday weekend was still lovely. Much more low-key than previous years (for a number of reasons - I'll explain later), but still a great celebration of a wonderful man's life.

There was cake (friand)

A belated breakfast of creamy garlic mushrooms on toast (that I forgot to take a photo of) and a massive fail brioche. This is how it was supposed to look:

This is how it actually looked:

And a visit from one of the local doctors:

Hee hee! (Costume courtesy of Aldi!)

And of course presents!!

We got Hubs a workbench for his man shed. I'm sure he can't wait to put it together once exams are over!

Even though it was a bit of a crazy weekend, everything worked out nicely in the end. Happy Birthday Hubs. You continue to amaze me every year with your constant love, support, sense of adventure, and beautiful heart. I love you so much for the Husband and Father I am getting to know more and more each day.

My Weak

Saturday, June 16, 2012

It's been another tough one, and I'm feeling it today. As is Chanbe. And Hubs. Hubs was actually away for 4 days and 3 nights this week doing exam prep, so I was doing the solo parenting thing. Let me tell you, it was hard. I don't know how people do it on a long-term basis, and with more than one child. By Thursday night, I was counting the hours til Hubs' return the following afternoon so I could collapse in a heap. Thankfully Chanbe was booked in to childcare for Friday morning, so I got to rest frantically race around the house tidying up and race around town to appointments and getting a few things done before the weekend.

We all had a great night sleep last night until Chanbe woke up at 5:30am, unwell and unwilling to go back to sleep in his bed. So the three of us had a fitful sleep for a couple more hours, then the boys got up and attempted to let me have a sleep in (bliss!) except Chance wanted his mama so the 2 of us ended up "sleeping" in our bed til about 9. The rest of the day was spent moping about (me), being sick and miserable (Chanbe), and studying (Hubs).

Perhaps tomorrow will be better for all?

It's the little things, like

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Doing a load of washing and having all of the socks come out in pairs

Having a long enough extension lead to vacuum the whole house without having to change powerpoints

Chanbe going down for a sleep without a fight

A nice sunny day where Chanbe and I can spend lots of time outside

My favourite bread on special at the supermarket

Hubs taking Chanbe to the park so I can have a sleep

All of these things have happened in the last week and have made my crazy stressful life just a little bit easier.

Something's gotta give

Friday, June 8, 2012

Because I'm currently up to my eyeballs in life, and getting closer and closer to my "limit", I've decided on a few things that I have to let go of, to keep a hold of my sanity. And number one on my list is nappies. No, I'm not going to stop using nappies all together (though, Hubs did want us to try it...) I'm just not going to use our lovely cloth nappies. Actually, Chanbe hasn't really been in cloth nappies regularly since a month after I broke my foot, with all the packing and moving and broken foot and all. But I started using them again last week and it's already stressing me out trying to wash them every second day and get them dry and put them together again.

So what I'm actually going to do is go back to just disposables, but not feel guilty about doing that. I can't do everything and I have to stop putting so much pressure on myself to do it all. I know that we will go back to the cloth nappies eventually, but for the time being, it's disposables all the way.

I don't think Chanbe is fussed either way... (even though he has pooh on his jacket in this photo... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That one was for YOU Hubs :-) )

Twas the night before deadline

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Hubs and I are sitting at the dining room table, sipping herbal tea (yes, we're old) and pressing refresh on the computer. Intern applications are due tomorrow, and Queensland Health have a page displaying all the intern positions available at each hospital, and the number of applications that have been submitted. Our first preference of Cairns isn't looking good. It seems everyone has suddenly realised how awesome it would be to live in a tropical climate. Especially those of us who are about to endure sub-zero minimums for the next 5 days. Yeuch.

Everything has been a bit ho-hum around here lately. We spent a few days back in Mount Beauty this week which was very up and down for me. We arrived on Sunday for church and ended up having lunch with the minister and his wife - they are 2 of our most favourite people we have met in recent times. Even though there are close to 3 decades in age difference, we are very close to them and have a lot in common. We then headed to the student accommodation to unpack and settle in for the few days to come. Hubs took Chanbe to the park for a bit of a play, and since he hadn't had his day sleep, the little guy had a pretty early night which left Hubs and I to an evening of stew and Tin Tin. The food was better than the movie :-)

The next few days were a blur of wind, rain, horrible weather in general, sore throat, coughing crying non-sleeping toddler, farewell dinner for the boys put on by the medical centre (a great night out) and not much sleep. We ended the trip on a high though, with beautiful weather and my second favourite breakfast in the world (second to the breakfasts that Hubs makes for me) of eggs benedict with fresh ham and locally-made corn bread. The drive how was nice, and apart from having to unpack and all that comes with it, it's good to be home.

It's hard to be in this headspace at the moment. Hubs is in stressy study mode; I'm floating about trying to keep my head above water; and Chanbe is (hopefully) oblivious to it all. I know I've been writing a few of these posts lately, but that's just how life is at the moment. It's kind of hard and kind of sucky, but we're getting there.

Now I think I might splash out and have a hot chocolate, right after I press the refresh button...